Today was an “Oh right, I have the privilege to be a good person” day. I did a good deed, and I feel good in my heart. I didn’t throw a black-tie affair or anything extravagant. I used a wee bit of knowledge and a few bucks to help someone out of a tight spot. I will provide no further details as to the person’s plight. I bring this up only as part of the journey we are on. We are in November, and it’s the ‘Giving Season’, and yeah, we’re in Canada, and for certain things, helping out more in winter is crucial, but honestly, charity is needed year-round. It irks me when people brag about spending Christmas with the homeless and post pictures of themselves with their arms around some dude, like he’s a fish they just caught, and the rest of the year, they would step over and call the cops on that very same person they were so proud of helping.
When I see those posts, I am always sharply reminded of a quote I read once, and I dare say, it certainly keeps me in check.
“An act of generosity is most impressive, ironically, when it isn’t public, when no one’s name appears on a building, when you do something for someone in need and don’t post it on Facebook, when there’s no mention in a press release. Too many people seem to conflate generosity and publicity. If you’re going to loan me money because I’m in need and then boast about it, I don’t need your money, because you’re a narcissist, not a philanthropist.” -Alan Weiss.
Social media has undoubtedly given us the platform to star in our own movies. Little hearts and thumbs up can create a dopamine addiction to approval. Add to that the ability to control how we present ourselves, and it creates fertile ground for narcissistic behaviour. (Not to be confused with NPD, which is its own thing.) Using charity to fuel one’s narcissism is pretty wild to me.
A story I like to hear is when it gets out that someone has been really kind and no one knew about it. You know, when it slipped out that Keanu Reeves funded most of the art crew from the Matrix after he found out he was making millions, and some of them were working for ‘exposure,’ or his children’s hospital foundation, no one knew about. Yes, Keanu is definitely well on his way to becoming an eccentric old lady. He just needs to wear more pearls and red lipstick.
I once had a mentor who taught me some essential skills and set me on a ten-year career path as an auto upholsterer. I had asked him why he was taking me under his wing, and his answer was, “When you reach midlife, it’s time to stop taking and start giving. I will take you under my wing, and in turn, you will pay it forward when you’re ready.” I have not yet apprenticed anyone in auto upholstery, but I recognize that there is a debt of goodwill to be paid.
I didn’t do my good deed today for likes, a pat on the back, or better press. Awareness of the factors of maturation and the privileges of knowledge, gained skills, and perhaps even wealth, gives an eccentric old lady an advantage in offering kindness. So, the ‘good deed thing’ becomes a daily part of the journey towards eccentricity. Permitting oneself to get involved, ‘benevolent meddling’, you might say, is a crucial ingredient, but we shan’t brag about it. Today, I stuck my nose in where (as I found out) it actually did belong and was rewarded with a warmed heart.
I am once again reminded of the way social media has changed us as a species. (See attached meme.) Along with showing off when one does something good, there is a weird pride in being completely unhelpful, and it is an equally obnoxious trend.
The meme is kinda funny. But the mentality behind it is on trend in a way that’s not funny. So many will get into downright deadly text fights defending their right to feel right, but how many of those same people will shovel their neighbour’s sidewalk or help a friend move and *do* something right? Since when did desiring to think you’re correct mean more to folks than acting correctly?
When isolation and aggravation seem to be on trend, being unabashedly kind appears to be the most counter-culture thing you can do these days.
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/social-media-narcissism/
Eve Di Potenza 